Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
