I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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