he looks like a really good dad on facebook
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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