I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
