I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
