Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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