i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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