??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's get the cat blown out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
