my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
