So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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