are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
