I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
