I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
NoShamevember. You game?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't put those talents on a resume
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
