bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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