But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
