I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
