What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
