PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have aggressive nipples.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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