I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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