I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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