I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
