If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
