I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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