Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
