I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
