There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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