Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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