i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
