if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize