Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
