Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
