I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
