Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
