Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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