I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
