haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
