airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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