You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
