is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
