I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
