1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
