take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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