accomplished twins. life is a go
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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