It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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