you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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