This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
