Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
