Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
