On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
