Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
