you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
