So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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