I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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