my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
