I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2