please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception