and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.