she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am