i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.