Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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