It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
