Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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