Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I could fuck to npr.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
