I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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