i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
