I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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