someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
