apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
