Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
