You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
