i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
