but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
