o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
