remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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