did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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