why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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