with your own penis?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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