RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
