...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
