I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
