I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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