just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
