no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
