you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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