your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
