Porn is love you can see.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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