Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
