New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
